What are we saying to our daughters.....

I overheard the girls talking with one another the other day….one tells the other, “you know, little girls don’t have hair underneath their arms. Mommies do, so they need to shave because girls aren’t suppose to have hair on their arms.”

"Ooohh…that’s gross!”~the other chimes in. 

Interesting that this conversation also took place the same week that another asked me why I shave my legs and curiously asked me if she could one day shave her legs too.  “Sure, one day” I replied. That answer seemed to satisfy her curiosity, so we left it at that.

Innocent questions. 

However, after reading this shocking and disturbing article it got me thinking about the messages we might unknowingly send to our captivated little girls who are watching mommy and forming their own ideas about what a woman's body "should" look like.

My first thought after reading this article was, “are you kidding me!  A boob job is one thing, but giving a gift certificate for a FUTURE boob job to a 7 year old who hasn’t even hit puberty…absurd!!! What is she thinking?” 

While it’s so easy to judge this mom, as I thought about what must have been going through her mind, I had a shift of emotions. I went from outrage to anger to sadness.  This poor mom must have a very low view of self, so much so that she is passing on her own insecurities to a daughter who hasn’t even lived long enough to develop yet. It’s really sad when you think about it.

While most of us might find this mother's actions very disturbing, it did get me thinking about the negative self images we all carry in one form or another and how we may be unconsciously passing those on to our girls….something to really think about.

I DID IT!

I attended my first homeschooling convention this past summer.  You know the one, the "mother of all conventions" held in the Woodlands every summer.  If you've never been or if you ever get the chance, I'd highly recommend it.  You've got to go at least once!  There are so many wonderful educational materials, resources, and informative seminars for just about any homeschooling parent.  

Whether you're a veteran homeschooler who needs fresh ideas or just a beginner like me, there is something there for everyone.  Heck, even f you're not a homeschooling parent, just thumbing through all of the delicious books and educational resources is enough for me. I'm not just talking about curriculum, but books, games, manipulatives, school supplies, and etc.... 

However, I must warn you...a newbie like myself is sure to get lost in the sea of booths in the exhibit hall. I absolutely loved it! I just wished I had the budget to buy everything I had my eye on!


On the practical side, here was something I picked up that has really come in handy. ...the I Did My Chores Chart! We've been using it for the last few months and the girls love it!  Not only are they learning responsibility but they're also learning the rewards of hard work. 


Here's how it works:


Chore cards are color coded to reflect the time of the day and assigned morning, noon, and night.  When a chore is completed, they immediately place it in the "I did it box!"  At the end of the day, they receive a token for each card in the box.  Tokens are then redeemable for rewards previously established. For example, 5 tokens could be redeemable for a piece of candy, 8 tokens for a free dessert, 15 tokens for extended bed time....you name it!


Of course, the other side of this thing is that tokens can also be taken away.  My girls have felt the sting of this and hate withdrawing money from their piggy bank to give to mommy.


Since our first grader is learning how to count money, we've altered the system a bit.  Instead of collecting tokens they are earning small change: a nickel per card earned. The girls love to cash in their money for rewards like camping out in the living room and watching a movie or a trip to the dollar store. 


So far, we've had great success! I am most impressed that my four year old makes her bed first thing in the morning without fail! 

She even walked into my room one afternoon, took one look at my bed and exclaimed, "Mommy, I think we need to get you a chore chart too!" Ouch! : )

Friendship for Grown-Ups

I am a huge Lisa Whelchel fan and have read just about every book she’s ever written. One of my new favorites is her latest book, Friendship for Grown Ups. In this book, Lisa explores the challenges of friendship; particularly women friendships.

Let’s face it…friendships can be challenging! Lisa speaks from her heart as she relays her own story of how God tore down the wall she had so carefully constructed around her heart in order to prevent people from getting too close; thereby exposing her own neediness and vulnerability.

“Vulnerability, trust and grace is not always easy to cultivate or maintain but isn’t that what we all want? To be seen, in all our glory, for better or worse, the good, the bad and the ugly and still be embraced? If only these kind of friendships were easy to find.”

As she begins the journey of discovering “real” friendship, the very thing she fears is that which God uses to chisel away at her heart. It is through the pain of broken trust and betrayal that God teaches her how to be real, needy and vulnerable in order to truly be a “real” friend…the kind of friend we all need.

I have not met many women in my Christian life who I can honestly say know the good, bad and ugly of Mel…and still embrace me. Perhaps they haven’t felt the same of me either. That really makes me sad. Don't get me wrong...I have some great friends that I love dearly and I know they care for me as well.

As I chewed on the quote above, there are only two women that come to mind, who have seen me and know the good, bad and the ugly of Mel. One was once my boss, and is now mentor and very dear, dear friend whom I will forever be grateful for. Sure, we have rubbed each other the wrong way before, but we know each other. She knows the Mel God created, has grace for the Mel that’s still in process and chooses to see ahead to the Mel God is creating me to be. That’s real friendship! That’s real grace!

The other is a girl I knew back in high school. Man, could we have some heated discussions, but our love and respect for one another went deeper. We might not have always seen eye to eye, but no matter what, there was a sisterly love for one another. Even today, though we might have different viewpoints, we can still respect one another despite our different perspectives and love one another through them. The best part is that though the years go by, we can pick up a conversation like it was just yesterday. She knows me. She knows the Mel God created and respects the Mel I desire to be. That’s real friendship!

Here is what I am wrestling with: Isn’t the church (not "A church" but "THE church" in general) the place where we should be experiencing more of these grace filled friendships and unconditional love? I just don’t understand how we can be the body of Christ and yet have so very little grace for God’s people. The very people in which God himself dwells! When I think about it like that, it just blows my mind and makes me cry out to God to help me show his child, my sister in the faith, more grace and love.

I am processing through all of this, but one thing I have discovered about myself in regards to friendship is that I tend to be an all or nothing kind of gal. There isn’t anything I don’t commit myself to without giving it my all. This is just the way God made me. The same goes with friendship. I am a loyal friend, which means there isn’t ANYTHING I wouldn’t do for you if I can; especially for a close friend.

Yet, what I have come to discover about myself, and this book only helped to further highlight, is that at times I can unintentionally expect the same things of my friends in return. The result is hurt feelings when expectations are not met. One of the biggest things my husband is holding me accountable to is not to infer the intentions or actions of other people. For example, I might say, “I can’t believe she said _______, I would have never said that to her” or “I can’t believe she didn’t _________ I would have done that for her.” Time and time again, my hubby will fire back with, “but she’s not YOU!!!” He says, “she is not going to do and say things just like you would. If it bothers you that much, ask her what she meant when she said, _______ but don’t infer. It leads you to a bad place.” Blah, Blah, Blah. The truth is, he’s right and I know it.

In Friendship for Grown Ups, Lisa Whelchel refers to this as helium balloons. Before you let the little balloon you’ve imagined float away, pop it by exposing it. Bring it to the light. Tell your friend, “I could be overly sensitive, but was I reading you the right way when you said __________?” Don’t just sweep it under the rug or worse yet, write someone off! I have been guilty of the latter. So needless to say, I have found so many nuggets of truth in this little 178 page book.

One of my favorite quotes that I have sadly found to be true is when she writes about our fear of being needy. Check this out:

“What has conditioned so many of us to be afraid to ask for help when we need it? Or to reach out for a touch when we are lonely? Or to forgo sharing a happy success for fear of sounding prideful? Why do we choose the safety of space in even the closest of friendships?"

As I reflected on this question (and have been guilty at some point of one or all of them), it really just blows my mind. I’m wondering… “Are we living in fear and lead by pride.” Fear and Pride…two painful enemies of the Christian life.

Afraid to ask for help….why? Because we won’t appear to have it all together; we won’t be the perfect mom who knows how to raise the perfect kids? Maybe it’s simply because we don’t want to bother already busy people and become a burden to them….we’re tough, self sufficient we can handle it…right?

Reach out when we’re lonely….why?? Isn’t that what the body of Christ is for??

Forgo sharing a happy success for fear of sounding prideful…why??? aren’t we called to rejoice with others?

Are we living in fear and lead by pride?

Henry Cloud writes…. “God made us to need Him and each other. We need God. We need his word. We need each other. The apostle John wrote, “I have much to write to you, but I do not want to use paper and ink. Instead, I hope to visit you and talk with you face to face, so that our joy may be complete.” 2 John 12. Friendships require vulnerability, grace and action. You can’t build a friendship off of self sufficiency. You must reach out to others and ask for help. Neither can you build a friendship if you never make time for others and concern yourself with their needs. We need community, we need each other. God knew that. That’s why he blessed us with the church body. So, why do we push this precious gift away?

These are just a few things I’m pondering lately and wrestling with in my heart. This was the first book I’ve read that spoke honestly and directly regarding these sensitive and almost taboo matters.

If you want a good book you can curl up with and hang out with a girl who’s keeping it real, check out Lisa’s book, Friendships for Grown Ups. I laughed, cried and cried some more as she relays the bitter sweetness of friendships and gives practical insight on how to choose and cultivate “safe” friendships filled with grace, so we His people, can truly reflect his love to one another.


If you’ve ever experienced the pain of friendship or would simply like to know how to be a better friend, this book is a must read.

Blogging Break

So I needed a little blogging break! Can I say it was just what the doctor ordered? Honestly, it's been kind of nice to be freed up from the computer. I've had the opportunity to pursue other interests, but most importantly I've been reminded of the importance of keeping first things first.

Recently Tim and I have challenged one another to waking up at 5:00am in order to offer the Lord the first fruits of our day. Not only are we able to come together in prayer and prepare ourselves for the day, but it also allows us time to do whatever else we need to before the little tornados wake up. For Tim, he's been able to get in an early morning jog and though I need to do the same, it gets kind of tricky with the little guy. So, I've been using this time to enjoy a cup of coffee and catch up on some reading or even tackle some early morning housework.

A night owl by nature, I have realized that in order for me to wake up early, I must first develop the discipline of going to bed early. What I am quickly discovering is that this discipline is far more challenging than waking up to the dreaded sound of the alarm clock. That's because I can find a million and one things to do after I put the kids down. Things like hanging out with Tim, watching TV, reading, sewing, or even tackling some unfinished housework.

But hey, this is my mommy time right? The only time I get to do something for me...or so I thought. Recently, I have been challenged by Martha Peace’s frank words about women such as myself who claim not to be morning people. Here's what good ol' Martha has to say,

"I have heard of women who pride themselves on being "night people." That means they have trouble getting up in the mornings because they come alive at night. They may stay up till all hours reading, watching television, or pursuing some sort of interest. The next morning they are too tired to get up and care for their family... These women are not "night people." They are lazy and selfish. Who would not rather stay up late to do whatever they please and sleep late the next day? Once a young wife begins getting up earlier than her children and her husband, she will cease to be a "night person." She will be tired at night and go to bed at a reasonable hour so she will be there to serve her family the next morning."

Ouch! I must admit these were tough words to hear. I mean did she just call me lazy? Selfish? Though I would not consider myself lazy or selfish when it comes to my family, I can see her point. After all, if going to bed late means being irritable, snappy, and or frustrated with your family, then how are you really offering your best to them (or for that matter to the Lord)? If I'm honest with myself, I've been guilty of that. Parenting in general is tough, but it takes extra creativity, intentionality, discipline and hard work to model and teach our children about God. How can we effectively do this if we're too tired??

As I have been contemplating these sobering words and how I can apply them to my own life, it has really challenged me to develop the discipline of going to bed early so that I can offer the Lord the first fruits of my day and be better rested to serve my family.

So, how am I developing the discipline of going to bed early so I can rise early? I can answer with one simple word...Accountability. And since Tim loves to go to bed early, he loves holding me accountable to being in bed at a reasonable hour. Though Tim would love to have lights off at 9:00pm, we've come to an agreement of 10-10:30pm.

Reality is: how much more would I have to offer my family when I am well rested?  How much more can I be when I make it a priority to sit at the Lord's feet BEFORE the day begins? To put on the armor of the Lord instead of rushing off into the battle spiritually unarmed.

I want to begin my days in a proactive mode and put first things first by mentally, physically and spiritually preparing before rushing off to respond to the demands of the day. Proactive and not reactive when I get that 7am call from the bedroom down the hall, "mommy I'm done!" I want leche! Can we watch Super Why? Then there is the little guy waiting for his morning feeding, not to mention saying goodbye to Tim as he rushes out the door in the morning.

All too often in this season of raising such small children I am finding it much harder to safe guard this precious time. While I know there is grace, spiritual laziness shouldn't be an excuse either. For me, there is a fine line. I long for the days where I could uninterruptedly read my bible and journal for an extended period of time with a hot cup of freshly brewed coffee.

Thankfully Tim does recognize the importance of giving me this time. In fact, we joke about him kicking me out of the house every Friday morning. But what was once so easy to do now requires much more discipline, creativity, planning and scheduling. That in and of itself can be exhausting and difficult to make time for. 

Starting my day with prayer and reading is good for my soul and essential for my sanity. In an effort to model the importance of putting first things first, we've even begun doing this with the girls. The first thing we do before breakfast, before the tv is turned on, before we get dressed and start going about our day is to have a short devotional and prayer time. We generally read something from their Children's Rhyming Bible, which is usually no more than two pages long followed by a short prayer. The girls love it!

So, Tim and I have joined the 5am club. Are we always successful? Nope. But I do recognize the importance of being obedient and developing this discipline in my life; especially with our growing family.

I Gotta Go Pee-Pee!!!!

These words resound long and loud around our house these days! Only wish she’d give me this kind of warning before she has to go number two!!!

I’ve cleaned up two glorious messes today and good thing my mom gave us a steam cleaner for the accidents that have happened on carpet…our little one just can’t wait to remove her messy diaper!

Motherhood…who says it’s easy!!

"Everything Has It's Place"

Not only do the girls have clean up time before nap time and before Tim comes home in the evening, but now that they're a little older, I’ve been trying to teach them to pick up their toys and clean their room before we head out somewhere. It doesn’t always work; especially on the days that we’re running behind, but lately it’s becoming more and more routine.

Since the girls usually have room time while I get ready, I normally give them a countdown of some sort so they have plenty of time to pick up their playthings. Usually, it’s enough to remind them that we can’t do _________________ until we pick up our room (especially when they want to meet with friends), but if that doesn’t work the good ole’ jellybean reward has been a great incentive…another great tip from my girl Lisa Whelchel!

Basically, the girls have to earn a certain amount of jellybeans throughout the week in order to earn the privilege of watching a movie of their choice (mommy approved) on Friday night. Jelly Beans can be earned by having good manners, being obedient, being respectful, cleaning up their room, helping out around the house, and any other behavior that I can catch in the moment that is worthy of a reward.

Some might view as bribery, but it helps our little ones wrap their minds around these concepts and serves as a great teaching tool for us. Not to mention, I love that my girls are learning responsibility, how to take care of their things, and the value of having a clean room which carries over into our home. Even at an early age, I know they understand the value of having a clean home because my 4yr old frequently tells me “oh, thank you mommy for washing my clothes.” In the afternoon when I’m picking up the stray toys lying around the house I might get asked, “Mommy, why are you cleaning the house?” I love telling them that I’m getting ready for their papi to come home.

When everyone pulls together to clean their own area, it also helps mommy keep the house a little tidier as well. But an even bigger plus is that I'm able to nap tired kiddos right away when we return home, instead of wasting time clearing away clutter just to get them to their beds.

I would say there’s nothing better than coming home to a clean house, but as I was headed to the laundry room to iron a blouse, I heard my 4yr old teIl her little sister, “sweetie, everything has it’s place” and then showed her where that item went. Now that takes the cake! (Even though my husband is probably rolling his eyes somewhere as though it’s a hopeless cause, I know he secretly loves it!)

Booty Camp and The Potty Whisperer

We all know how frustrating and tiring potty training can be. Wendy Sweeney, a registered nurse and mom of six holds a "booty camp" for tired parents that guarantees to have your child potty trained in one day. This five hour course helps toddlers rise to the occasion by teaching them how to listen to their bodies and take responsibility for their actions. Check out her students at "Booty Camp".



What are your potty training tips, successes and or horror stories!